Hey Boo ๐
So I been sitting with something lately that I think I finally found words for... it's about guilt... and rest... and why they keep showing up together...
Cuz here's what I keep noticing in my practice week after week: a woman finally carved out time to rest... as in actually sit down. Actually stop. ๐ฅบ And then she spent the entire time talkin' to me about why she felt guilty for sitting down.
She didn't finish her to do list...
Somebody needed her...
She shoulda' used that time to get ahead on things...
Sooooo how you think that went for real Reader? Girl you already know... ๐ซ the "rest" happened, but she was never really actually IN it. Cuz guilt creeped in and took up all the space.
Basically the "rest" never fully restored her cuz she wasn't fully immersed in the moment or relaxed.
And to be honest Reader? I keep sitting with how *exhausting* that is... ๐ญ Like you can't even have the thing you finally gave yourself permission to have. Huntyyyyyโฆ ๐ฎโ๐จ
And the thing is: guilt don't wait til you done crying or life done happening... it's checkin' you AT THE DOOR! It's finna sit RIGHT DOWN on the couch next to you. It's finna narrate the whole list of things you ain't doin' to make you feel bad.
What gets me: what genuinely bothers me fr - is that the women I see carryin' it the hardest? Are the ones who have "earned" rest ten times over!! SMH
Runnin' on the least... Givin' the most... And somehow the guilt hits them the sharpest!
That's the part that don't sit right with me at ALL Reader. ๐
But here's the thing I keep comin' back to - and this is what's been sittin' with me the longestโฆ
I had a client. Absolutely freakin' brilliant woman. She finally took a full Saturday off. No work. No errands. Just rest.
And she called it "doing nothing" (with a negative connotation) the ENTIRE time she was tellin' me about it. ๐ฅบ
Even though she slept well for the first time in months. Called her mama. Cooked something she actually enjoyed. Was ALIVE in a way she ain't been in a long time.
But she kept apologizin' for it in the lil ways she spoke about it. Kept waitin' for me to tell her it was okay. And the truth Reader? Chile... she ain't need MY permission!
She ACTUALLY needed to STOP believin' she needed anybody's permission but her OWN! ๐๐พ
And THAT'S the part that stays with me. Cuz I really don't think this is just a mindset thing or a habit thing Babes.
The guilt around rest is usually OLDER than the burnout (and I'm finna get in somebody business with this, but promise it's for your good).
It was passed down. It was taught. It was survival at some point.
Which means tellin' somebody to "just stop feeling guilty" is about as useful as tellin' somebody to just stop bein' tired... ๐
It don't do nothing. And I can't STAND when people get handed that kind of lame advice like it's enough...
Here's what I actually want to say (and DO say - very directly to my clients) in my practice, so hear me when I say it to you Babes:
The guilt is NOT evidence that you should keep goin' ๐ซต๐ฝ
It's a conditioned response. It's not truth. And you are allowed to STOPโฆ even while you still feelin' it!
If that's where you are right now (ready to actually move THROUGH the guilt instead of just around it) that's exactly what the 5-day audio reset was built for ๐
Come on in โ ๐ง Ready to feel deeply rested!โ
Now Imma keep it real with you: I ain't got no clean cut answer to all of this Boo. I just think it's time we talk about the elephant in the room yea?
Cuz when we don't name it? It gets to keep runnin' the show from the background. And you end up restin' without ever really restin' at all. And you deserve better than that boo. Fr. ๐ค
Love youuuuuu Reader - mean it! ๐
๐ Dr. Seida Hood
Licensed Therapist + Anti-Hustle Guide
Creator of The Hustle Rehabยฎ
PS. If the guilt shows up every time you try to rest and you're ready for something that actually helps you move THROUGH it (not around it pretending like it doesn't exist) You Can Restโฆ No Like Really! was built for exactly that moment Honey! ๐งโJump in here! โ